All I can think is "this feels so right" as I sit typing at my computer, feverously jotting down blogging ideas. It’s like I am unleashing this not-so-quiet voice within me that has waited patiently to come out, without even knowing how much it needed to. I’ve been feeling somewhat incomplete recently, with no luck on how to access that void. I definitely keep busy between rehearsal, managing the company I dance with, and teaching – but busy can only distract an itch for so long. I remember first feeling this just after my wedding (the planning process of which I admit definitely resembled a part time job). When that "job" came to an end, I actually felt a bit empty; my project was no more; and so was a part of me so eagerly waiting to run.
Being a dancer is at the very core of my being, and I honestly don’t think I could ever stop dancing. I can communicate and make discoveries not possible through any other means. However, that all-consuming power can sometimes be overwhelming. Too much of a good thing? Now, everyone is different, but for me, balance is everything. I am often tempted to be swallowed by the all-encompassing hold dance has on me, but I have to remind myself of one thing: Yes, I am a dancer, but I am also so much more.
For the first couple of years out of college, it’s pretty much sink or swim – I landed a job right before graduation so I was pretty much thrilled just to be "swimming." I was living in Washington, D.C. – everything was new, exciting, and an adjustment. In that first year I learned more about the artist I wanted to become and the environment I needed in order to thrive. These discoveries quickly led me to Sarasota, FL where I found a dance home that ‘fit’ just right.
Fast forward a few years, and for the first time, life was fairly routine. I was no longer a struggling college student, or a barely-out-of-college struggling adult. (Where’s the “Life in Your Early 20s for Dummies” book?) Life was roughly predictable. Then I got engaged, launching an all-encompassing year-long journey of wedding planning, which gave me the opportunity to do something I didn’t realize I was craving. Every decision my fiancé and I made reflected that which was most true for us and our relationship. We were able to create something from start to finish that was totally our design, our vision.
Though he may have been in it mostly for the cake tastings, for me it unleashed an avenue to mix together my bubbling creative side with my relentless type A personality and slightly OCD-driven side, which don’t often have the opportunity to comingle. It was a project in which both of those worlds could coexist in harmony. I often find myself having to compartmentalize within those gifts.
Now ‘gifts’ is a little hard for me to say – I’ve more often seen these dueling traits as inhibitors. My most creative friends and colleagues have often looked at me as the organized and ‘straight edge’ one – or my least favorite: “the worry wart” – while my "type A" friends tend to not fully understand me. I get caught in the middle, deliberating on which identity I should choose. I often want to fully throw myself into one side or the other, completely indulging, but the truth is that I am both of these things, and ignoring either side would be ignoring part of what makes me, me. I am learning to call these complexities gifts, and to own, not ignore, them. All it takes is a little personal balancing act.
Which brings me to this blog. After months of catching myself daydreaming about what could fill that missing void, I stopped trying to figure it out… I just let go and let myself relax on a quiet Saturday afternoon, and to my surprise this blog came to life – it clicked. And, well, I am aiming to run with it. So I welcome you to my home on the web. Here I get to be completely and unapologetically me, and I look forward to sharing my passions with you. We can stay fit, eat healthy, clear our minds, face challenges, and travel the world together. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and I do hope you will take this walk with me, and answer your own call to adventure, it just might lead you somewhere unexpected!